Back when you were HOT STUFF
Do you remember those magical, early years of your relationship with your significant other? When you were a hot new couple? Wasn’t it great?
We enjoyed long weekend lie-ins, romantic dinners, and adventurous holidays to far-flung destinations. Basically, we did whatever we felt like doing. There was plenty of time to enjoy being all loved up. We were each other’s EVERYTHING.
“Imagine if we had a baby,” I remember us saying casually, one lazy Sunday morning while enjoying an extra long lie-in. “It will be just like this, but with a small person in between us.” Aaaah.
Where did the magic go?
Then BOOM, parenthood happened. And having that small person is just brilliant (most of the time!). But let’s face it, once you become Mummy and Daddy, keeping that magic alive between the two of you, becomes a little bit tricky.
I’d say going through labour probably kills off 80% of the magic, mystery and intrigue all in one hit. There’s nothing quite like the desperate throes of labour to test your relationship. I know there is quite a lot that my husband would like to ‘unsee’. Will it, can it, ever be the same again?
Somehow, miraculously, you get through it and move on with about 20% magic left in tact. But that soon takes another hit with numerous other romance-killers associated with parenting. Insane tiredness. No free time. Less money. Constantly being covered in dribble or worse. Small people wandering aimlessly into your room late at night. No motivation to do anything other than sit on the sofa, or sleep.
Keeping the magic alive
The question is, can you preserve that last bit of magic that’s left? The bit that’s hanging on for dear life? And is it possible to restore it to its former glory? To rediscover that spark you used to have?
I like to remember how we were as a couple before our son arrived. It gives me warm, fuzzy feelings. But I’ve also come to realise that our relationship has changed. Things are different. Life is different. Our priorities have changed.
We still try to have a date night out of the house every few weeks. I think it’s so important to have some time just for us. We usually make an effort and go out for dinner but occasionally, we’re just too tired and end up eating a takeaway in front of the telly. Sounds boring, but we love it.
The internet is full of tips on how to keep the magic alive in your relationship post-kiddies.
Set boundaries. Make time for each other. Kiss. Do little things for your partner and appreciate the little things they do for you. Go on dates. Hold hands. Show affection.
These sound simple but can easily be overlooked in the busy day-to-day. I know I’m certainly guilty of not doing enough of these and I’m sure I’m not the only one.
They’re great tips and, of course, I think we should all try to do more of them. But I think we’re also missing a big, important point.
The magic is still there
That’s right. The magic is still there. You just don’t recognise it because it’s different now. The magic no longer solely lies in the wining, dining and romancing.
The magic lies in the fact that you and your partner survived those early sleep-deprived days and months. The days that pushed both of you to your absolute limits.
The magic lies in that fact that you’ve seen each other at your irrational worst, and you’re still together.
The magic lies in the fact that you’re both raising a funny little human that acts a bit like both of you, yet is still remarkably their own amazing little person.
The magic lies in the fact that you’re stumbling through this parenting malarkey together, even though neither of you really have a clue. You are a team.
This is the new magic in your relationship. And you know what? I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Share your thoughts
I’d love to hear what you think. How do you and your partner keep the magic alive? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.